Rollercoaster of Emotions

 Ups and Downs.  Highs and Lows.  My world has been all over the place in the past 96 hours.  I usually have a rough outline in my head when I start a post, but I don't today so just bear with me as I to process the events, both happy and sad, of the past few days. 

First you should know that I briefly considered separating this weekend into two separate posts, but somehow it seems so intertwined that together they will remain, both in my memory and in this post. 

Saturday morning everyone woke up excited...it was the day of the girls' 4th Birthday Party!  We were preparing to have 16 kids ages 4 and under and their parents over to celebrate.  Watching our girls form friendships with some of our closest friends' kids is truly a gift in itself.  The kids and I are fortunate enough to enjoy lunches and play dates with several of the moms and kids regularly...even vacationing with some of the other families!  Nick and I know we are extremely lucky to have so many close friends (mostly from college) all living in the Indianapolis area.  So of course we were thrilled when we started talking about their birthday and the girls asked if their friends were coming! 


Happy 4th Birthday!

So their big day...and all our guests...had arrived!  Kids were everywhere - swimming in the kiddie pool, jumping on the trampoline, swinging on the playset and snacking at the picnic table.  At one point everyone was outside except Drew and I while I fed him his bottle.  I took one look around the house and realized there were at least two diaper bags and 3-4 sets of clothes (all the kids had changed into their swim suits) in every nook and cranny of our first floor...and at that moment I realized how blessed we are and have been by these friendships.  Unorganized chaos was the first thing that came to mind...and It.Was.Awesome!!  So many hilarious memories from that day: Caroline arrived in her suit and was the first one in the pool and Ava decided she wanted to get in too...in her dress!  Minutes later she was escorted in soaking wet by Caroline's mommy...and grinning from ear to ear!  At some point during dinner some of the older kids were upstairs in the play room when we heard a loud banging on the door.  Upon investigating, we discovered two of the kids had locked a third out of the play room and they were all giggles when we found them.  As soon as we got the door unlocked, they all went back to cheerfully "cooking" in the kitchen.  Their buddy Nicholas *had* to change into his very favorite pajamas, with Santa on them (which he calls "ho ho's") before heading home.  And my favorite quote of the day has to be from Evan's dad to his mom, "Hey!  Evan's not wearing any underwear!"  Ha!  We went to bed that night happy and exhausted! (Written 8/10/10)

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Some of our guests enjoying their cake!

That next morning about 8:15 I got a call from my dad.  Generally my parents do not attempt to call our house before 9 when they think everyone's had breakfast by then, and especially not on a Sunday when they know every minute counts in getting ourselves and three kids ready for church.  So when I saw the missed call about 30 minutes later, I knew something was wrong.  My Grandma (Dad's mom) had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just 8 days before and I was worried about what news was to come.  When he answered the phone, my worst fears were confirmed:  Grandma had passed away just after 7 that morning. 

Shocked, I couldn't understand how everything happened so quickly.  Just 8 days ago, we learned she had cancer and the doctors estimated she had about 3-6 months.  I know these are general timelines, but I was really banking on even a little bit of that time.  Just 8 days ago, I had started planning our next trip down to see her for the end of August.  I did not anticipate how much can change in 8 days. 



The kids with Grandma at her Surprise 75th Birthday Party in June



The grieving process is a tricky one.  It's different for everyone...I tried to focus on all the good memories first before trying to process the reality of that morning's events.  For example, two years ago we took our annual family vacation to South Carolina with my dad's 3 sisters and his brother, their spouses, almost all of my cousins and Grandma.  It was a wonderful week full of awesome family memories - easily one of my favorites.  Because most of my dad's family lives down near Evansville, IN (about a 3 hour drive from Indy) we don't get to see them as often as we'd like, but we make it down for most holiday gatherings.  My aunt had a surprise 50th Birthday Party in February that brought the family together for an unexpected event this winter and then in June we traveled south again for Grandma's 75th Birthday Celebration.  Looking back this past week, I am extremely grateful for these two milestone birthday's, Grandma's just 6 weeks before her passing, because it gave Nick, the kids and I an opportunity to visit with her that we otherwise wouldn't  have had.



My mom, the girls and I with Nana, Thanksgiving 2007





Now it was time to let it all sink in.  Unfortunately, I became well-acquainted with the grieving process just 2.5 years ago when my Nana (Mom's mom) died after her own 4 month battle with pancreatic cancer.  As I began to grieve for my Grandma, I also grieved for my dad, his brother and sisters and, in particular, my cousins knowing the rollercoaster of emotions they were about to experience over the next few days and weeks and maybe months.  Even now there are days that remind me just how much I miss my Nana, so I know the grieving process for my Grandma will not be a short one. The next family gathering will certainly be a tough one without her, but we know she'll be watching down on us from Heaven to make sure none of the grandkids try to go through the dinner line out of order...youngest first.  Though I'm closer to the other end of the line now, and would side with my dad, aunts and uncle who would argue it's time to "respect your elders" and let them go first...it will always be youngest first because that's the way Grandma would have wanted it.